Heybabeimwearingurpanties
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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