So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
