We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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