So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
