Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
