whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
