My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize