I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
