is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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