Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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