Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
