benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drake has all the answers
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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