Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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