Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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