tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
