new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
