Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize