Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
