please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
