You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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