I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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