Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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