this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
