Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am available for nakedness
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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