ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
