I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
