I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
