Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
