I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
