you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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