My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
