His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
