Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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