she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
3 2 1 whiskey
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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