Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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