hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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