That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
