i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
