yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
