and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
