i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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