I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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