i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
