I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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