I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
