I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
bring money and cleavage
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
