Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
