You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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