the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
