so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
