A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Boobs are out for the taking
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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