Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
