it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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