Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
