In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
