Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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