I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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